Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
