just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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