haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
