Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
