i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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