So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
