'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
