I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
