Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
