How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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