We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
