She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
