I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i have two assholes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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