I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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