I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
