when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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