Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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