He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
