I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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