I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she peed on how many people?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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