he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
