It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
