I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
