The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
