ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
