yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fuck me I smell like cheese
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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