Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
