Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
