She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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