Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
