Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if only i could text you this smell
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Houston, we have a blender
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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