While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize