i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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