next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
