I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
