Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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