Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
