At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
