My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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