I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
