Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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