I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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