His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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