I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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