We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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