just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
