Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
