It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
