Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
