SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
