Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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