Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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